Forgotten Ground Regained

Heorot, the Early Days

Hrothgar cyning, king of the Danesdecided to clean ‧ and unclutter Heorot.A new hall thane ‧ was hailed and namedLaurence Llewellyn, long-hair Bowen.
Waving his locks, he lamented, “It’s soFifth Century ‧ formal you needchange to create ‧ rococco retrominimalism ‧ meets a sixtiessuburban chic ‧ style makeover.”
Laurence Longlocks ‧ launched into revamp:The hearth was heaved, hurled on the midden,replaced by a piece ‧ of post-modernScandinavian ‧ sculpture in steelwhich wasn’t the work ‧ of Weland the smith.
The earthen floor ‧ was festooned with rushes,was covered in concrete ‧ cunningly paintedto look like flagstones ‧ with fluorescent lino.
A line of lindens ‧ leaned by the door.Their wall had won ‧ wars for the Danes –These shields were shifted ‧ and space createdfor storage boxes ‧ built from these helmshurriedly hewn ‧ by Handy Andywith boss effect ‧ features on the lids.
The thatched roof ‧ was thought a danger,a tempting target ‧ to trash and burnfor Ingeld or any ‧ angry Heathobard,so was replaced with plastic ‧ perspex sheeting,and the torches on the wall ‧ were taken away --those bright candles ‧ of countless feastssuperseded ‧ by strips of neon,an ambience ‧ of American diner.
The mead benches ‧ were modernized,Tubular metal ‧ tables for dining,And this week’s best buy, beanbags for seats.
The drinking horns ‧ were updated, supplanted by trendy tumblers ‧ of Tupperware,so warriors ‧ sat in discomfortimbibing mead ‧ from beakers plastic,while Carol Smiley ‧ smiled and asked fortheir opinion of pink, pastel drapes andwood effect ‧ M.D.-F. laminatethat ousted outmoded ‧ old tapestries.
Hrothgar screamed -- shouted, “Enough!”Sent his hall-thane, sentenced to exile,and cursed to make ‧ those makeoversfor eternity ‧ on telly programs.
Then the wise ‧ lord of the Danesin the Yellow Pages ‧ he peered and foundhouse clearance ‧ with caring serviceby Grendel and mum ‧ “Great!” said the king.“They sound lovely, let’s phone them.”
This poem was originally publilshed in Withowinde 129, p.7, Winter/Spring, 2002/2003
Copyright © Martin Vine, 2003
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